An extremely smart girl once conspiratorially said that many guys are not equipped to handle their partners’ past, and that honesty is certainly not constantly the policy that is best. With all the current arrogance of youth — I was 22 then, and packed towards the gills with lofty tips about relationships and love — I chose to promptly ignore her advice. “no chance!” We rolled my eyes in personal, eyebrows raised stratospherically full of indignation. “I’m never planning to conceal anything from my partner. Maybe Not. A. Damn. Thing.”
Many men, since many Indian women have actually started to wearily accept, are not exactly as unperturbed by their girlfriends and wives’ sexual pasts because they’d want to believe.
The girl was a therapist that is famous’d been expected to interview. Eight years on, i am prepared to acknowledge this: I happened to be utterly, grotesquely, unequivocally wrong. If I had a rupee for each and every time We’ve been incorrect about that, I would have a home in Lutyens’, Delhi. Simply kidding. Needless to say i’dn’t, because let me reassure you that i understand #NotAllMen are this way, prior to the outrage begins (and requires a time that is painfully long subside).
A lot of men, because so many women that are indian come to wearily accept, are not exactly as unperturbed by their girlfriends and wives’ intimate pasts because they’d prefer to think. Or have us ladies believe. Under the veneer of training and open-mindedness, way too often lurk the remnants of a conditioning that merrily upholds men and females to different criteria of “morality”.
The “need” to count the notches on the lady friends’ bedpost cuts across class and training obstacles.
Guys may be guys, but females will likely be uss kind ki aurats. You know, the sort who’ll perhaps not clutch her virginity to her upper body, become preserved very carefully until it is the right time to go along to your husband’s house like some type of prized offering.
A baffled friend from Mumbai who recently revealed to me that the current marital drama unfolding in her household was her husband’s sudden doubts about her “character” as Exhibit 
A, I present to you Rhea Alva*. The thinking? She slept with him before they certainly were hitched. Ingenious. Some body remind this gentleman that there have been a couple exchanging human anatomy liquids pre-marriage plus one of these had been him.
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You might want to believe this condition is fixed towards the resolutely small-minded in our midst, but gather a lot of ladies from any number of parts of society and you should begin to see the misconception evaporate quicker than a bottle that is open of polish remover. Works out, this “need” to count the notches to their lady friends’ bedpost cuts across education and class obstacles. Whom could have thought that ‘What’s your number?’ will be the concern that unifies male that is young? Apple or android, Mumbai or Delhi, beef enthusiast or cow saver, (almost) every person desires to understand: kitne aadmi the?
Just What varies, significantly, could be the model of the inquisition. Though some are keenly alert to just exactly how petty and regressive, and of course intrusive, this type of questioning could make them seem, you will find the ones that could not care less on how they come across.
The date went well so we had been making away when he unexpectedly giggles at me, “I hope you do not do that with many dudes”.
Nitya Desai*, a writer from Delhi, informs me, “we came across this person on Tinder. The date went well and now we had been making away when he unexpectedly giggles at me, “we wish you do not do this with several guys”. Him the death stare, he soothingly says, “No, no, i understand you are not that types of woman. once I gave” Ugh.”
Grossness on Tinder is fairly low stakes and simple to clean down. But creating a thick epidermis is devilishly harder whenever chauvinism covered with patriarchy is sold with your own personal family members’ press. “This guy that my moms and dads attempted to set me personally up with for wedding explained, on our second date, that he hoped their future wife will be a virgin. This, after boasting about their relationship that is live-in with gf in the usa,” recounts Vidhita Roy*, a marketing pro from Bangalore.
He called me personally a slut for having sex that is casual
Plus the worst, by far, is whenever your very own partner instantly decides to stay in judgement. The amount of ladies who admitted to boyfriends and husbands having instantly done the volte-face is alarming.
“I happened to be pretty upfront about my past before we got hitched. I’m not sure what occurred after. Abruptly, he was constantly jealous and asking me personally really inexpensive questions and details. It made me personally unwell,” states 28-year-old A mumbai-based physician, now divorced. “Our wedding lasted not as much as 2 yrs.”